Friday, January 09, 2004

Everywhere I go people seem to be blogging about hygiene at the moment. Bloggers like to spend a lot of time talking about how messy they are, but actually they are almost certainly in the top 10% of obsessive cleanliness freaks. To make my point I have carefully and scientifically constructed a 12 step questionnaire in order to discover what kind of a skank you are.[ . . . Pan's answers . . . ]

1) In the last 3 years how long (Alaskan trekking expeditions excepted) have you gone without washing your hair?
5 days
2) How long past its sell-by is the oldest item in your fridge?
everything is in date
3) How many items are there on your bedroom floor that shouldn’t be there?
4) How long do you go before cleaning behind the U-bend?
5) The patter of tiny feet tell you the mice are back. How long till you can be bothered to put down traps / poison?
2 weeks
6) The cast of Will & Grace are coming over for supper. How long will you take to clean beforehand? How long should you take?
1 hour. 2 days
7) There’s a dead computer monitor in the corner of the bathroom. How long will it take you to have it disposed of?
6 months
8) How long do you go before cleaning the kitchen floor
2 months
9) Carrying the laundry through a pair of worn socks falls off in the hall. How long can they stay there without feeling an urge to pick them up?
4 weeks
10) How long can a saucepan of vegetable soup remain covered and undisturbed on top of the stove?
1 week
11) You see a cockroach. How long till you’re on the phone to the bug man?
30 seconds
12) Do you have dirt under your fingernails right now?

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