Wednesday, February 04, 2004


Shit. I just realised that Valentine's Day is only 10 days away. By lucky happenstance it falls on the first day of my soon to be confirmed unemployment. Wank. On the plus side I may well be so sick due to alcoholic excess that I can blank out the whole day altogether with the help of Captain Percodan. Must remember to tell the wife to get some in. That was a wee joke BTW.

So – 10 days to find someone to go out with. I don't think I can be arsed actually. In fact I half a mind to spend the day helping Yip Yap move house. Again. Exactly a year, give or take a week or two, since she moved out of her flat and she's moving back in again. Exactly the same flat. Weird.

I so need to Sort My Life Out (SMLO).

Things to do to SMLO (in order)

1) Get a job
2) Get a girlfriend
3) Get a pension
4) Get a mortgage
5) Get married
6) Stop drinking
7) Have kids

Bugger me sideways with a rusty bargepole. While I have a strange urge to learn to comply and join my chums in their idylls of domestic bliss, when you look at it like that it seems, well, unbearable. I guess I’ll just have to resign myself to being a wild eyed loner gazing into the abyss of dysfunctional bankruptcy. In the words of the Immortal bard, the Master of Stratford-Upon-Avon : Fuck That Shit.

It's all well and good being some kind of free spirit in your twenties but try it in your thirties and people start to look at you funny, unless that is you have a lot of cash. Which I don't. Here’s my problem in a nutshell. I don’t want to be an outcast from society, mistrusted because of my childless ways and fondness for lager. I like society, I like being invited to things, I'm not a monster, Goddammit ;P !! However I don't want to buy totally into a society that requires a ruthless middle class compliance in all matters. I just can't do it. My Mum's going to be very disappointed.

Even if I wanted to I wouldn’t know how. Suppose I sat down and said: "yes, I want a wife, a mortgage and a couple of saucepan lids to round out the package" I still wouldn't be able to get it because I seem capable only of repelling the opposite sex these days. Can’t even get to first base, gosh darn it. Maybe they can sense my ambivalence / desperation . Actually I'd be quite happy to get married etc I just don't want to have to turn into Jones - The World's Smuggest Man™.

If I could get over this and find wherever the fuck it is that I left my Mojo I swear I’ll stop whining about it. So for the record the very next person I go out with (should that ever happen) I will ask to marry.

This is probably the root cause of ALL my problems. I just can’t take any of it seriously enough ;)

Soundtrack : The ramones – It’s Alive.

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