Green Fairy writes : "If you cremate me, I'd like my ashes to be stuck in a kitchen bin for about a fortnight until no more rubbish can possibly be stuffed into it and you are forced extremely reluctantly and at arms length to change the bin. A most fitting tribute for such a slatternly housekeeper". Which made me laugh so much I nearly hovered a piece of apple into my lungs. This was part of a longer post about death and body disposal and the equally important question of how to ensure that should you croak unexpectedly someone will post a notice of deceasement on your blog so your regular readers don't keep coming back for months wondering why you stopped blogging, just when it was getting interesting.

Which reminds me – GF may claim to be a slovenly housekeeper but I currently Rule The School at this. Not too bad at kitchen / bathroom stuff but very bad at some other things. Been a bit sloppy lately and my desk is starting to resemble the aftermath of a howitzer attack – just endless, endless mounds of crap – forms, photos, crockery, dead computers, cds, pencils, plastic bags, books, dvds, socks, cartons of plastic straws, bronze pigs, defunct mobiles, packs of cards, pdas, flat batteries, you name it it's on there. Were I to suddenly croak it’d take someone a week just to wade through that bugger, never mind the rest. And there is a rest. Just acres of unfolded clothes and minging socks scattered about, elderly coffee mugs, half eaten pieces of toast, stacks of videos, a book midden – what’s wrong with me? I don’t actually like living in a pigsty but it’s got to the stage where I can’t face it any longer. So I ignore it and it gets worse. And worse. One day soon I’m just going to move into a different bedroom, paper over the door and make like it never existed.

So maybe, maybe, maybe this weekend is spring cleaning weekend. Get it all over with and start the New Year afresh. That sounds good - throw out all my old pornography and buy some new. YES!!

Alternatively I may just lie on the sofa playing Halo all weekend. Actually I have a problem already – The Captain has been injured so at my current save point The Covenant just have to look at him funny and he croaks and you have to start again. So far this has happened, like, 20 times. Guess I’ll just have to replay the whole level. Chuh!

- - -

Yesterday on the way to the theatre this girl was right on my tail all the way to The South Bank. At every interchange she’d be there somewhere – in front of me, next to me, behind me. She was noticeable because she had a cute ponytail and a limp. We finally parted ways coming off the pedestrian bridge at the Royal Festival Hall. Maybe she though I was stalking her.

Soundtrack : Aqua - Aquarium. I need special medicine to live, evidently :

I wish that I were a Bubble Yum,
chewing on me, baby, all day long
I will be begging for sweet delight,
until you say I'm yours tonight