I just ate a Topic bar, a confection I'm fairly sure I haven't eaten in approximately 20-25 years. It used to be advertised with the tag line "What’s got hazelnuts in ever bite" to which we fervently replied "squirrel shit".

This ad was also later adapted for the tormenting of a character called Simon Little with the new line being "Who wets the bed every Saturday night" (rhymes, see) although we never actually said this within his hearing as he was big and hard. The Topic bar was also briefly famous some years later for serving up a not inconsiderable number of mouse parts to an unsuspecting punter.

Anyway, it was delicious, much better than most bars, although admittedly a bit on the small side. Didn’t find any paws / tail either, which is always a bonus these days.

Fm1 is being particularly ditzy at the moment. Tried to explain to her that random text messages telling her 'she has won £5,000 and all she has to do is call this number' are not going to result in sudden riches, but she wasn’t having any of it. She actually left her name, details and out phone number and address on their poxy phone service. Cue a fucking tsunami of direct marketing calls and junk mail. At best. It's actually quite sweet to still be that naïve. Or maybe I'm just cynical. Actually I would prefer to be jaded than cynical. Likewise better to be bitter than sour. What’s the difference? – one implies negative personality traits due to over experience, the other due to lack thereof.

Soundtrack : The Donnas – Get Skintight

Tonight I'm drinkin' for two,
That’s all I learned in school.