Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Haven't had a dream in a long time

I was struck to the lyrics to Let Me Get What I Want

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time

I know exactly what that means. After a while you just give up caring about things, caring about ever achieving happiness, you just go from day to day, one foot in front of another.

And then something happens which gives you hope again. Somehow a modicum of animation enters your life again, you begin to believe that there's some point to it all, that maybe, maybe, maybe, this time it's going to work out, that it won't end in disaster again. You start to let yourself have faith again.

And every time that happens it's just that little bit more painful when that faith is disabused once again. Presumably there's only so many times this can happen. There surely has to be some cut off point where the well finally runs dry and it's over and nothing can ever get you going again.

I honestly don't know whether I want that day to have arrived or not. All I know is that I didn't have a dream in a long time, and that would have been by far the more sensible place to stay.

And I can't believe I'm ill as well. As if there wasn't enough wrong with me already I've got some sort of chest infection. My whole insides are slowly migrating there way outside. Actually there's only 4 other things wrong with me - compression injury in my left foot, ear infection, depression. And chronic flatulence.

Kill me now.


Pomme de Mer said...

Pan as Ski-god incarnate, I wonder. Might explain his compression injury.

The London Lifer said...

ha ha - yes the compression injury is from skiing. It will fix itself in time, but for the intervening 3 months I have to walk around with a foot that feels like it has pins and needles all the time!

Anonymous said...