No, this really is bad. I've been sitting at this shite terminal for approx 2 1/2 hours now and my feet have stopped bleeding but are now welded to the insides of my shoes.

I can't walk, but I have to be in the pub in a bit over an hour.

Could someone come and rescue me please? I'm in the EasyInternet cafe at Victoria wearing a grey tie with white spots and sitting at the back. Anyone who gives me a piggyback to the Chandos gets a free pint.

This place is weird - there are no staff - it's unmanned. You do everything by machine. I can't believe it isn't more vandalised. Perhaps I should start.