Low

Feeling a bit low today. Bit low . . . crawling underneath the rocks on the bottom of the sea is more like it.

Actually there was a big long mean post here, but I mean really, it wasn’t healthy. I shall take Andrea’s advice and breathe. It wasn’t a very calming sort of a post, more of a sort of incoherent rolling napalm strike of vitriol and self abuse. So instead I’ll boil my thoughts down to some more digestible and less apoplectic bullet points :-

Employment

1. Finding a new job = stressful


2. Finding a new job knowing the old one’s a goner = additionally stressful


3. Interviews = not much fun really


4. Agents = last lepers from hell


5. But it’s just a task that must be done at the end of the day

Crisis

1. Nazi gym regime having no apparent affect


2. Orthorexic diet also having no affect and making me very, very boring too.


3. Stomach still like enormous vanilla syllabub dropped from 3rd floor into middle of 1960’s style Lionel Blair dance routine.


4. Am addicted to the gym


5. Hate the gym

Help!

1. Have to go to the gym to feel ‘normal’


2. Don’t enjoy lovely food like I used to as can’t stop converting everything into Carbs, Fat and kC and then into crunches / minutes rowing per mouthful.


3. Eating delicious non nutritionally balanced, high fat, high salt, low fibre food inducing intense feelings of weakness, worthlessness and guilt.


4. Total failure to give up drinking and smoking negating all fringe health benefits. And making me feel guilty as well. And fat.

Questions

1. How much of a workout is the average wank? Don’t forget that as a bloke it’s not all in the mind - it’s all gotta be replaced from somewhere.


2. Is smoking 20 cigarettes / week really any healthier than 20 / day or am I just kidding myself?


3. With regard to question 1 could you make some sort of equivalence chart : 10 minutes spent thinking about Edith Bowman = 38 seconds on level 7 of the rowing machine? Please let the answer be yes.

Solutions

1. Stop worrying, have a fag and calm down.


2. Go to the gym in the morning as well. Think about buying some an-biotic zero fat, high carb, high protein food replacement powder. Increase observance of wobbling gut in mirror to 3 times a day. Eat more salads and go to bed feeling miserable.


3. Do nothing. Worry.