I can’t believe I dissed the creativity of the canteen salad team. If boring (or for that matter sane) salad was a person it would have, like, 20,000 caps busted in its ass. Just from today we have : Rice with tangerine segments, sultanas and coconut, red cabbage with apple and (my favourite) macaroni with grapes and strawberries. To show my appreciation I have all of them in the same tub. It’s like a carbohydrate fruit salad train wreck. Because I’m so hung over I also have a prawn mayo bap, strawberry milk and 2 apples.

And why am I hungover? Because I went to the Chandos with fm1 and fm1’s sister. Fm1 being sensible went home about 10 o’clock but that wasn’t enough for me and Lucy. Oh no. Last seen we were in Garlic & Shots being given rounds of free shots by the barman. I have no idea what I said to him, but whatever it was clearly hit the spot.

I don’t think Lucy liked her bloodshot much – given the choking, shaking of head and threats to kill me. I of course swallowed mine like a man – I think I must have been showing off. Hmmmmm . . .

Have started on my ‘salad’. It is beyond vile.