Everywhere I go people seem to be blogging about hygiene at the moment. Bloggers like to spend a lot of time talking about how messy they are, but actually they are almost certainly in the top 10% of obsessive cleanliness freaks. To make my point I have carefully and scientifically constructed a 12 step questionnaire in order to discover what kind of a skank you are.[ . . . Pan's answers . . . ]

1) In the last 3 years how long (Alaskan trekking expeditions excepted) have you gone without washing your hair?
5 days
2) How long past its sell-by is the oldest item in your fridge?
everything is in date
3) How many items are there on your bedroom floor that shouldn’t be there?
200+
4) How long do you go before cleaning behind the U-bend?
forever
5) The patter of tiny feet tell you the mice are back. How long till you can be bothered to put down traps / poison?
2 weeks
6) The cast of Will & Grace are coming over for supper. How long will you take to clean beforehand? How long should you take?
1 hour. 2 days
7) There’s a dead computer monitor in the corner of the bathroom. How long will it take you to have it disposed of?
6 months
8) How long do you go before cleaning the kitchen floor
2 months
9) Carrying the laundry through a pair of worn socks falls off in the hall. How long can they stay there without feeling an urge to pick them up?
4 weeks
10) How long can a saucepan of vegetable soup remain covered and undisturbed on top of the stove?
1 week
11) You see a cockroach. How long till you’re on the phone to the bug man?
30 seconds
12) Do you have dirt under your fingernails right now?
no