This has got to be the dumbest sack of shit ever . . . Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/10/movies/abraham-lincoln-vampire-hunter-rewrites-history.html

For the benefit of the terminally confused Abraham Lincoln was NOT a vampire hunter.

On the other hand only 4% of American's think that Vampuires are real. That seems a reasonlably low figure - about that number believe they've been personally abduncted by Aliens - and you know you're polling the same gene pool there.

On the other hand 17% of people still beleive Barack Obama was born outside the US . . . I guess there's no limits to what people will start believing if they want it enough.

Finally the Met is Brought to Book

And some sort of Justice for Ian Tomlinson. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13268633. I say some sort of Justice because until the CPS actually brings charges against Pc Simon Harwood nothing's changed but some words.

Chances of that happening . . . well I wouldn't hold your breath.

Police - Ian Tomlinson

I see that plod is getting away with it as usual

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-10723274

There have been any number of recent cases where members of the public have been charged and convicted of murder where an assault that was not in itself that serious led to further complications and death.

Seemingly the rules that apply to members of the public don't apply to the groups of yobs roaming our streets calling themselves policemen. How much clearer does it have to be - the police are clearly shown attacking Mr Tomlinson unprovoked from behind and still nothing is done.

The police first lied and tried to cover their tracks and when caught out have just brazened it out and got away with it.

Why should citizens continue to have any respect for the police or co-operate with them in any way when their own standards of honesty & legality are seemingly non-existent?

The problem is that the Police have become completely balkanised in their little plod world. In their eyes the Police are not members of the public but somehow above the public - that seething mass of potential criminals. In their eyes the police should not have to be held to the same standard as the public, or, seemingly, any standard.

Paul Fucking Weller

Long time no blog . . . a lot has happened since my last post. A lot. On the other hand I have a hangover so some things never change.

I see that Paul Weller has been shortlisted for a Mercury. Why????

What is it about Paul Weller. I look and all I can see is a short man who was briefly popular at the end of the 1970s. But somehow there's a certain sort of bloke (and trust me, they're ALL blokes) who just adore Paul Weller. This bloke is the kind of crashing bore who has a subscription to Q, Mojo & Empire and can be found lurking by the toilet door at parties sucking in his gut, drinking Real Ale & hitting on other people wives. Of course he'd prefer to be hitting on women 25 years his junior but naturally there aren't any of those at bloke's party.

Do not be deceived by his tales of seeing Siouxie et al in 1978. He worked then for Bromley Council then and still does - at least until they can think of a way of getting rid of him.

Seriously mate - just Fuck Off. And take Weller with you while you're at it. And if you can't manage that then for the love of God please stop nominating him for stuff. No-one cares.

The 'Modfather' my arse.

Long time

for some reason I have felt no real urge to blog lately, but suddenly I do again . . . it seems to conincide with romantic failure. I have just batted an unprecedent 0 for 7.

Good going.

I can't believe

that no-one ever reads this drivel. It's fucking hilarious.

Abbey National

Are truly a joke.

I've been waiting for a new card to access my Current Account since the last one expired. Last month!

15 days late so far. It's just not acceptable. Every time I ring them some hapless gnome says they don't know where it is, what's going on, what colour the sky is, la la la, I'm not listening.

The latest I heard was that the reason for the backlog of cards was that their card manufacturing facility was flooded in July. Ah-huh. I'd be more disposed to give this much credence if they'd told me that when I first started hassling them - 2 weeks ago!

What is really annoying is that I have received not one letter, phone call or email from them explaining, or, heaven forfend, appologising for this massive inconvenience. If I hadn't spent several hours chasing them I'd still be completely in the dark.

OK, OK, it's not the end of the world, but I'm supposed to be going away next week and if I can't go because I'm still waiting on this card (which accesses salary and company payments) I'm going to be really pissed off.

Halo 3 - Footage

I just saw this, and it may not be new to everyone, but it's new to me . . . and it's making me hot.

Mmmmmm Halo 3 . . . I suppose that a lot of people have never played Halo being an xbox only title, but trust me - you're missing more than a treat. Halo ROCKS!

London housing

OK I cannot aford *anything*. And I'm not poor. So why is it that the majority of us spend our days hunched over our PCs we're all still expected ro turn up at the office.

Isn't it odd that durin the day all our little flats and houses stand empty and during the night all the offices are as silent as the grave. You'd be forgiving for thinking that in the current environment that sort of arrangement is as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Beard

When my beard is at a certain length - ie longer than stubble but not yet at Rabbi - it has a really interesting consistency . . . sort of like wire wool, with clots in.

I love it.

Insomnia

I'm just not sleeping . . . exhausted at work and then unable to sleep till 3, 3.30, 4, 4.30, whenever. It's not good.

I'm having, even by my standards, a crap time at the moment. Just when I thought I'd done them all I've been finding new ways to be blown off. And not in a good way.

Grrrrr.

In fact every thing's pretty shit right now . . . what can you do?

And my colleagues can spend hours and hours talking about their cats. It's driving me stark staring insane. Dear God people, GET A LIFE.

Cansei De Ser Sexy "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex"

This is just the *best* song. Terrible video though - looks like it was done as a school project. For the under 10s

Well I was wrong

... I was!

so far

A new low

I'm now being rejected by people I haven't even been out with yet. What next - total strangers are going to start ringing me up to tell me they don't want to meet me, not ever, no way, not no how.

Not in a million years. Not in a million, million years.

I guess it's all my own fault for assuming that just because people pluck your phone from your hands and put their number into it for you they may actually be considering that dinner offer.

Well that taught me didn't it?

Cigs

Now been 5 days. I'd slay Harry Potter with a dirty hacksaw for a wheeze on a gasper.

Potter, and his little friends too.

Lift Rage

My lift phobia is starting to reach our of control proportions. I work on the fourth floor and have now taken to walking up and down the stairs all the time. All well and good - won't do me any harm I know. The problem is that I'm not doing it because I want more exercise (merely a handy by product) but because I can't get into the lifts.

This isn't because I'm afraid of lifts. I am unconcerned that they may plummet to the ground. Being trapped in them fills me with no dread. Agrophobia - nahh.

But I seem to be developing lift rage. Whenever someone else gets in with me I resent them immediately, and the various things that they then do can only make their position worse. Pressing any floor in between where I want to go and the current one is bad. Traveling one or two floors only: very bad. Traveling one floor downwards: apoplexy. Inserting your hand in between closing lit doors to make them reopen so you can sneak in will earn you a violent and protected beating followed by being locked in a coffin full of broken glass, set on fire and thrown down a lift shaft.

It's really much less aggravation to just take the stairs.

Smoking Ban

I haven't had a drink or a cigarette since Saturday, and I feel . . . awful.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not gasping for a fag, I'm not pining for a cheering pint of cockney fizzy keg. I'm just fucking bored. I mean under normal service I'd spend 2-4 evenings a week either down the pub or recovering from same. It sounds awful, but it's not. It's just the way of many 'traditional' Britons. So now you can't smoke in the boozer anymore, what the fuck are we supposed to do with ourselves? I don't even want to go to the pub anymore - a non smoking pub isn't really any sort of a pub at all, it's merely a designated alcohol consumption centre. And who likes the sound of that? Not I.

Maybe I should just give up imagining I'm allowed to do anything resembling what I actually want and sign up for a load of accountancy night courses, or become a prison visitor or counsel disadvantaged yoofs or whatever it is the New Labour Experiment is so clearly expecting us to start doing. Alternatively I might just start hanging out in the park with Ve Kids and the Deros and some cans. At least you can have a fucking fag there. So far.

Amazon porn

There's a certain joy in having your dirty books delivered to you at work.

Just looking at that Amazon emblazoned hermetic cardboard package sitting innocently on the desk is making me laugh.

Wot larks eh?

Sweden in the 1970s

I can't put my finger on what exactly is wrong with this video, but there's something deeply, deeply disturbing about it.

ABBA eh?

Music Freedom

Here at work we have a lot of Macs users, myself included. The great thing about this is that you can see everyone else's iTunes as well as your own . . . thousands and thousands of hours. Of rubbish.

Seriously, you wouldn't believe some of the shit people have in their music collections. And not just shit, but really freaky combinations. I mean who has "The Best Christmas Album Ever", 'The Wamdue Project' and 'Violent Femmes'?

Freaks, that's who,

Unfortunately you can't tell who is who . . . so the real identity of 'Weeza's music for better thinkin' will remain forever a mystery.

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Haven't been blogging much later - been busy. But just work stuff, nothing fun. And the project *still* isn't launched! Eeeesh.