OK – the great weekend-a-thon is over and I have two comments to make. 1) flatemate2 can argue and fall out with anyone when she has a few drinks inside her 2) People are rubbish.

I actually didn’t witness the first part of the evening as wisely took myself off to Hammersmith to meet Marise and have a lovely lovely Thai meal. Alas I recall not the name of the restaurant but it was delicious and cheap as well. So arrive home about 12.30 and shortly after the merry throng arrived back from some bar. Most of them seemed fine, even quite cool in a juvey kind of a way, but boy was I mistaken. About 2am this came to a bit of a head and the women of our party repaired to various bedrooms for interminable discussions about something or other. Given the quite high alcohol intake I guess many of you can see what is coming next : oh yes, slamming doors, thundering up and down the stairs, weeping, scowling, ‘You bitch’, ‘Cow’, ‘Fuck off you tart’ etc etc etc. Honestly it was just like being in Eastenders except with real swearing.

Despite a quite strong urge to go and poke them with pointy sticks I desisted and eventually got the full story from someone else. And this is just tragic. New Girl had made the terrible mistake of getting off with some bloke who was fm2’s ex boyfriend. She used to work in a pub with fm2 – had never met any of the others, didn’t know the back story, didn’t know he was the ex, didn’t know anything basically. And when I say ex I mean at least 3 years ago!!! But here’s the terrible bit. The reason for all this venom being ladled on to this poor girl’s head was because this ghastly bloke already had a girlfriend. So not only was she guilty of getting off with him in front of fm2 (it was 3 years ago ffs) she was also guilty of ‘stealing’ this bloke from his current girlfriend. I couldn’t understand it – not one single line of aprobrium was levelled at this grizzly man – he just sat there cool as you like while these daft tarts tore strips off each other. Frankly I’m not sure why any of them felt the need to get involved at all but surely if you had to the person to get the bollocking should have been the bloke not New Girl??

I was frankly just embarrassed and felt bad for New Girl. After she’d quite legitimately stormed off I raised the issue with fm2. Mistake. I merely pointed out that, while I had no doubt she could look after herself, ganging up on a drunk 21 year old woman and effectively forcing her out of the flat onto one of North East London’s less salubrious thoroughfares at 3.30 am without checking to see if she had cab money or even knew where she was (esp after you’d invited her back there in the first place) was hardly a sisterly act. Big mistake. Cue a 10 minute rant about how it was none of my business etc etc finishing with the usual rejoinder “You don’t know nothing about me! Nothing. You think you know, but you don’t know nothing about me!”

Why is it always people with the least to say that keep insisting on what mysterious deep swimmers they are. Actually that is not true – she does have plenty, plenty, to say – it’s just that most of it’s crap.

I went to bed shortly after that and refused to get up the whole of Sunday. Fm1 was away and I had no desire to see any of the previous evening’s merry throng. Until that is about 8.30 when I was forced into interaction by the flipping fire alarm going off again.

I live in a mixed use building – ground floor is retail then 2 floors of commercial and then 2 floors of residential. Consequently it has a fully professional fire protection system – which is good – or would be good if the building isn’t rented by MORONS. One of the shops downstairs, which sells mobile phones has a burglar deterrence system for it’s warehouse. What this means is that if the alarm is tripped the premises fill up with a thick cloud of dry ice to inhibit vision. But of course this leaks into the main part of the building and sets off our fire alarms. While I can temporarily override the fire alarm and turn off the alarms they immediately start again because the sensor is in the shop with the dry ice.

Cue the fire brigade turning up. Could they help? – no they couldn’t. In one of those surreal moments I was talking to the firemen outside and two passers by suddenly decided that they were going to start kicking off together. So while I was having a chat about fire zones and the idiocy of people who allow alarms to go off unchecked two blokes were beating the tar out of each other but 3 yards away. Actually it was a whole load of nancying around really, but noisy. The fight was resolved when one of the combatants ran away and the other attempted to give chase. Unfortunately he was wearing such an extreme version of baggy (which had doubtless been further loosened during all the slapping that had just gone on) that his trouser fell down completely causing him to fall flat on his face in front of the firemen, who basically pissed themselves.

The representative of the phone shop turned up at 11pm, 2½ hours after the alarms were first tripped. So now we know : robbing a mobile phone shop? Make sure you get out within 2½ hours or else you might get caught, or at the very least beaten senseless by angry and deafened residents. BTW : Nos. of plod who turned up due to the deafening fire alarms, burglar alarm, smoke, fire brigade, crowds on the street and people fighting : zero.