Another year closer to the grave

All things being equal and ignoring such possibilities as being run over by a bus on the way home here are 10 things that :-

A) I'll definitely do this year

1 Get falling down drunk
2 Feel guilty about not ringing my parents
3 Eat a dinner costing over £100
4 Look at internet porn
5 Fantasize about having a job that requires walking through snowy forests at dusk instead of sitting at a desk slowly irradiating myself
6 Have a conversation with my flatmate on the topic of Donna vs Jackie
7 Visualize jumping into the void at work and have to force myself to step away from the edge to get rid of the sudden compulsion
8 Fall over skiing
9 Get turned down
10 My FUCKING TAX RETURN!!!!!

2) I might do this year

1 Confess all to the one I love . . .
2 Seek counseling
3 Buy a flat
4 Get a new job
5 Start learning Japanese
6 Visit Argentina
7 Write some slash fiction
8 Go to the gym
9 Sleep with someone because I'm drunk
10 Create a shitty piece of modern sculpture from broken electrical appliances

3) I definitely won't do this year

1 Shop at Iceland
2 Clean up my act
3 Vote Conservative
4 See Tony Blair & New Labour get what they so richly deserve
5 Ditto George W Bush & the GOP
6 Sort out the rodent problem once and for all
7 Write a scientific paper
8 Climb a mountain in Antarctica
9 Believe that my boss knows better than I do about anything
10 Make any sense of any of it.