I love Camembert but it has to be properly ripe. When you buy them from a supermarket or deli they are never anywhere nearly ripe. You can tell because a) they feel hard and b) the inside contains dry white crumbly stuff instead of yellow oozing goo.

In the fridge they take forever to ripen up so I tend to put them in a tupperware box and leave them on top of the microwave for a couple of days, and then they're perfect. Mmmmm.

So I was walking round Waitrose and I suddenly thought - need some cheese. And then I thought - hold on, don't I have something ripening on top of the mirowave since, er, last week. OK. So go home, look for the bloody thing - is it there? No. Is it in the fridge? No. Has ir fallen down the back of the cupboard? Yes. So I fished the thing out opened up the tupperware and (with some difficulty) cut a piece out. Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, the smell . . .

It had gone, not so much runny, as gelatinous, oozing, sort of sentient. So anyway I ate a piece and it was deliecious beyond the needs of mortal man. Just waiting now to see what happens guts wise. Have to admit that part of it was, er, bubbling slightly.

Mmmmmm . . .